The One Where The Girls are Gassy (Friends Fart Story)
by FluffinFly
Summary: Rachel Green, Phoebe Buffay, and Monica Geller all get gassy!


Rachel was working at the New York coffee shop, Central Perk, just like she did almost every day. Serving drinks and taking orders, the day seemed to last forever with a slow influx of customers coming in to the shop. The only saving grace of the day that Rachel could see was her break that would be starting soon. There was just one more customer to deal with, then she was free. For a little while, at least.

Rachel walked over to the customer who had sat down a minute or two ago. He was a older looking man, maybe in his mid-20s, typing away on his laptop with a stern expression on his face. "Hi, welcome to Central Perk! Can I get you anything?" Rachel said, greeting the man with her disarming smile. The man turned to her, keeping his stern expression. "About time! I've been waiting here for 5 minutes. Is this how you treat your customers?" He said with an irritated tone of voice. Rachel sighed, knowing that this guy is gonna make her day that much better. "I'm sorry for the inconvenience sir." She said through her teeth. "What can I get for you?" The man shook his head, looking back at his laptop. "Just get me a plain black coffee, if that won't take too long." Rachel nodded, tightening her lips. "Sure thing." She said, walking away briskly. "Asshole. Who does he think he is, talking to me like that? He's getting a sneezer for sure." She thought to herself as she poured him a large cup of coffee. Making sure there was nobody looking, she tried sneezing into the cup of coffee, with no luck. "Dammit. Guy deserved it too." She thought, sighing, before walking back to the man with his untainted coffee.

"Here you are." Rachel said, setting the cup down next to the man's laptop. The man said nothing as he continued typing, making no eye contact with the young waitress. "You're welcome." Rachel said sarcastically to herself as she walked away towards an empty chair. On her way there, she noticed a muffin in the display case at the counter. She had never seen it there before, so she assumed it was new. It was the only one of its kind in there, and the only muffin left in the case. Rachel's stomach grumbled in hunger. "Man, I haven't eaten since this morning. That muffin doesn't look too bad! I wonder if Gunther will let me have it." She walked over to Gunther, who was standing behind the counter. "Hey Gunther, can I have-" She said, pointing to the muffin in the case before being interrupted by him. "Of course! Anything for you!" Gunther quickly said to her with excitement in his eyes. "Um, cool. Thanks, Gunther." She said, feeling awkward as she grabbed the muffin and closed the display case. The muffin was a plain-looking one, with small raisins dotted throughout it. It looked pretty good to Rachel, so she took her first bite. To her surprise, it was delicious! She ate the whole muffin in one sitting, highly satisfied with her choice.

Unfortunately, Rachel's break ended shortly after finishing the muffin. She stood up, tied her apron around her waist once again, and walked around to tables to see if they needed anything. After walking around for a bit, she suddenly felt more grumbling in her stomach. This time, however, Rachel knew it was not hunger. "Right now? I have to fart _right _now when I'm working?" She thought to herself, trying to hold back the growing pressure against her butthole. "What am I going to do?" Rachel thought, before she heard a familiar voice. "Hey lady, can I get another coffee?" The man with the laptop said, snapping his fingers. Rachel slowly turned to him with a fake smile. "Sure thing, sir!" She said to him, walking to the coffee machine. "Man I hate that guy. I wish…" Rachel thought, before she got a great idea. One involving that pressure in her stomach. She got the man his coffee and walked back over to him. "Here you are sir." Rachel said, setting the coffee down. Again, the man said nothing, but this time, also nodded. He was wearing headphones this time as well. "Perfect." Rachel thought, before turning her butt towards the customer, facing the counter, and let loose.

pssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssttt…

Rachel's long, hissing fart lasted for a total of 8 seconds. Rachel sighed as she walked away, the biggest smile she had worn all day on her face. The stench of spoiled milk and sulfur slowly made its way to the nose of the rude customer. His nostrils flared for a moment at the sudden smell, but a deeper sniff caused him to gag almost immediately. His eyes watered from the unrelenting stink, looking around for the source of the smell. He was unable to take anymore, and ran to the bathroom with his hand over his mouth.

"Heh. Wimp!" Rachel thought as she stood proudly. The couple who sat at the table behind the man's table got a whiff of her fart, the brunette girl fanning her nose with her newspaper. "Ugh, really David?" She said to her boyfriend. "It wasn't me, I swear! Mine are never this bad!" The boyfriend responded, putting his nose under his shirt collar. "Maybe it was that guy sitting next to us. He ran to the bathroom, so maybe he had to take a dump." The brunette girl said, still fanning her nose.

Rachel saw the couple enduring her rotten gas and felt a bit bad. Her 'release' was only directed at that entitled jerk, not some random customers. She did have to say though; it felt really good to get back at him like that. He was being disrespectful, and he got what he deserved. Plus, it literally felt good to release that giant fart. Her stomach had been bubbling since she ate that muffin.

The man came back from the bathroom minutes later, looking tired. He walked back to his table, where Rachel's putrid fart still lingered. The man couldn't believe it. "_How is that terrible smell still here_?" He thought as he coughed a little, before gathering his things and heading for the exit. Rachel smiled at him on his way out.

"Smell ya later." Rachel said to the man as he left, who turned back towards her for a second, but Rachel pretended not to notice by looking away and twiddling her fingers.

_cue laughter_

Rachel chuckled to herself, delighted she made that jerk customer throw up from her fart, before feeling another rumble in her stomach. "Another one? Already? Geez, that muffin worked fast!" She said, a hand on her stomach.

"Um excuse me, could I please get another americano?" A woman said, holding up her coffee cup. "Gotcha!" Rachel said, walking over to the woman, taking her cup, and going over to the coffee machine.

As the coffee was brewed, the rumble in her stomach became pressure at her backdoor. Rachel looked around the shop to make sure the coast was clear. Luckily, no customers were sitting at the counter of Central Perk, so Rachel figured she could let one rip without being noticed. She pushed her petite butt out just a little bit.

**PRBBT! **

Rachel released a short, squeaky poot, permeating the immediate area with her stink. It was a good thing the coffee had finished brewing, as the pleasant aroma of freshly-brewed coffee did a decent job at masking Rachel's awful stink, but one would still be easily capable of smelling a rotten scent. This very strange contrast of smells covered the area behind the counter, and found its way to Gunther, who saw the whole thing.

He stood there, motionless, shocked at Rachel's crude outburst. Rachel wore a similar expression, embarrassed.

"Wow, since when do ducks come in here?" Rachel suddenly said with a nervous smile, looking around for the fake duck. She looked back to Gunther, who still stood shocked. "We should really, uh…take care of that!" Gunther said nothing, shook his head and quickly walked away. Rachel deeply exhaled. "Whew, glad I didn't have to have that conversation!"

_cue laughter_

_The scene changes to a shot of New York City in the daytime, before showing Monica's apartment._


End file.
